The Arc Of Deadpool
by TheGreatHibiki
Summary: What happens when you have a tired mind, a lot of caffeine, a writers block, too much seriousness in your other works, and have recently watched DP2? This.


So. This is my story. Now I could say I've had a long... LONG time to think about all of this, but really honestly it's only been like six minutes since the world changed for me. I had a standard childhood, everything going my way, great dad, hope of becoming a huntsman one day, nice house, seven beautiful sisters; and a mom who made Kate Beckinsale look like Sarah Jessica Parker.

Not that I would have done horrible yet probably dirty things that would make those from the special part of the US's southern region envious. You know who you are, and it's okay if your mother-cousin does it for you, but it just doesn't get Mini-me(may he rest in peace) up so much for me. Then again, even that is kind of mute. After all, if they and your house just went up in flames because of some bitch and her entourage of rejects from the isle of misfit assassins, the weirdness of knowing your mom was fuckable but you couldn't even get a semi in their presence just is weird. The fact that the author is even writing this is weird. What the hell dude?

Why was I thinking about this again? OH right. I'M in the HOUSE too. Staked to the table like some stuck pig from ass to mouth. Kind of painful. But apparently, still alive. It looks like I learned of my semblance, which somehow I already know of, despite it had only been... now eight minutes ago I was having dinner with my family, being my usual oblivious self to everything around me. I didn't know Aura, or Semblances, who any of these things that are popping into my head like the fact my now dead mother should have been making my loins fry roast themselves like two spuds in a microwave and the fact that the writer seems to have a fascination with my mother who we've never seen in canon yet. That's why I know that bitch who busted in has partial maiden powers, but I don't know the name of the sexy but evil woman who gave me the wrong type of spit roast.

God this sucks. And not in a gave a twenty to a still naïve, energetic, just starting hooker vibe either. This is definitely in the strung up and tired to a cross for assholes who ended up banging their sister-daughters in the Appalachians can go to heaven category. Oh good, I'm going to black out now.

The Arc of Deadpool? Arcpool? Eh... some weird X-over with Deadpool & Jaune I'll figure out a name for later.

By

Hibiki

Imagine you could have the rights to RWBY, but for the rest of your life, you would have to clean up every mess or problem created by every Rooster Teeth 'Million Dollars, But..." challenge accepted. Would it be worth it? Not for me.

RWBY is created by Monty Oum and Rooster Teeth.

Chapter One: Hello Darkness my old Friend.

(-o0o0o-)

The scene changes from a ashen pile with a naked burnt figure pulling themselves from it, to a form sitting ON TOP of the massive Vale airships, clothed in bright yellow tactical suit with black highlights. Too confusing? It amounts to a yellow and black version of Deadpool's suit. The twin katanas switched with two long swords, the Deagles changed to some interesting but familiar red handguns similar-

"Not similar, the same." Ah, the same ones we saw in the Yang trailer. Meaning they also switched to hatchets. You did clean those right? "Of course I did. You always sterilize anything going into any orifice, man or god made. It's just bad manners otherwise." Oh... uh. Poor Barley, I liked that goon. The figure looked to your screen, one eye widening slightly to show his curiousness. "So, can I talk now?" Uh Sure.

"Oh good. Hey everybody, Jaune Arc here. And not that sad pathetic one who chases after the one with liquid nitrogen seeping from her vagina either. So it took me almost dying and getting a idiot-" Hey "You know it's true- anyway a guy who watched too much Deadpool 2 recently to write a story where I get Wade Wilson's mutant powers as a semblance. Even though I'm pretty certain someone else wrote this too, and a reviewer will comment, but this shit stain couldn't be bothered to look.' ... "It's this same sad sack also decided that since he thought the idea had some 'emotional significance' too-" He reached up and pulled off his mask showing the face only a drunk woman madly in love would sit on. "-He had to give me the moldy avocado Reynold's look. I guess it could be worse, it could have been Hugo Weaving's Red Skull and then I wouldn't have a chance to get laid in like... 77 years." I also could have made you look like skinny Arnie from T2. "Again something with a metal arm. You people really need to let reboots go." Get to it.

Jaune put the mask back on.

"Alright. So here I am, enjoying the breeze on my way to Beacon and no, I'm not puking in my mask. The writer decided he didn't want to hear a 'guest' bitch about me having 'motion sickness' again. That out of the way let's continue. My dad, shortly before he got the golden compass treatment my once upon a canon girlfriend got, unlocked my aura just after we were attacked by some bitch with powers that came right out of a god damned fairy tail... if written by the brothers Grimm and NOT given the spit shine by Disney. This resulted in opening my mind to the world beyond Remanent, totally fucking with my happy little world per-volume 3, and giving me a even more dramatic backstory than Bambi and that little fucker whose name escapes me who got his dad killed in the Lion King. How come we'll never get a flashback with my dad with Darth Vader's voice? I'm a little disappointed." All I could afford would be the guy who played Vader. You know... Prowse.

"Ow. That job of yours doesn't pay enough. Complaint withdrawn. So after digging myself out of the remains of my family and home. I will not cry... M-much. Asshole. I headed to the one man who could help me train. Obi-wan Kenobi. Sadly there are no space wizards on Remnant but I did find a crazy old man who peed in a gutter back in Vale... and a lot of 'special' dust that helped me cope with it all. Once I got my three days of training from Master Piss DeLimon, which we all know in modern movies means I can Mary Sue the FUCK out of this place, I'm ready to learn what it takes to be a real boy and kill the cunt who took my family away. Enough Exposition?"

Yeah that should do it. We can flashback for more later if need be.

"You just want to milk the feels train like you always do in them." Shut up, you. "So time to interact with the girls?" Be nice. "Aren't I always?" Have you read anything written by It'z Syndrome? "Touche. Whelp, Maximum Effort." Jaune dropped down into a convenient hatch I just wrote into the story. "Lazy writing!" SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!

(-o0o0o-)

Jaune dropped down into the room with his soon to be classmates. We all know who they are, no need to do the long winded bit where I don't say their names because we are suppose to act like we haven't seen the original story and we are learning them for the first time. I mean after all... I paused writing noticing Jaune staring at me. What?

"Isn't this my story where I ramble?" Yeah yeah. So he walked to Ruby and Yang. The two stood there talking about random things dealing with knees of all things. "Seriously? You can't pull a College Fool's level of writing. You haven't earned that credibility yet." …

"Uh... what?" Yang looked confused, Ruby blinked cutely.

"Oh don't you make me a pedophile." Jaune remarked. "I'll dry hump Port before that happens." Challange accepted. "You mother fu-" Kids present. "Rnmmm- This isn't over."

"Uh, Rubes let's go, this guy is wacko." Yang began to gently guide her sister away from Jaune only for Jaune to step back in front of the ladies, holding a fake cigar.

"Well I can be Wacko. Will you be my Jacko and this cutie—Stop it—be Dot?" He held out his gloved hand. "Jaune Arc. Two syllables, sweet and simple. Nice to meet you." The two girls looked to each other before shrugging and accepting his handshake.

"R-Ruby Rose. T-three syllables. Nice to meet you." She said shyly. Jaune smiled. Which dumbass with your mask can't be seen.

"Likewise and one moment." Jaune turned to the screen. "You should have thought of that before writing me smiling in Pain so damn much." Grr. Jaune turned back and took Yang's hand.

"Yang." The grip was firm and her eyes red. [Crunch] VERY Firm. "Ruby's older sister."

"A-ah. Right. N-nice to meet you Yang Ruby's Older Sister. Quite a long NAME hand... hand hand..." She let go leaving it limp, most of the bones crushed. "Oh man, give me a lisp and I'll be the ass end of every gay joke that could get this fiction flamed to hell. Jeez, I haven't even met Ren yet!"

Goodwitch popped up on the Holoscreens moments later to help me escape a dead end conversation that I had no idea how to write. Jaune merely shook his head at the screen.

Soon enough the trio, in addition to the handful of colored main characters, and the rest of the black shadows that made up the first season of RWBY's cast left the ship and began meandering through the gardens that lined Beacon's main hall, though Yang Ruby's Older Sister took off for a group of never to be seen black shapes in the distance leaving the two awkward types alone.

"So... I got this." Ruby pulled out her Crescent Rose.

"Wow, It's impressive you really know how to handle something that big at your age..." The eyes of Jaune mask widened. "You BASTARD!" He punched at the scre—OW MY NOSE!

"Uh so what do you have?" Ruby asked, casually asking Jaune to whip out his swo-Okay okay don't look at me like that, you DO realize people ship you two together ALL THE TIME, right? Damn. Jaune pulled out his two long swords. They didn't have much on design, just being similar to Crocea Mors's but longer.

"These two are Sunlight Heart and Moonlight Anus." Ruby blinked a the names. "One to make holes to see the sun through and the other is to stick where the sun doesn't shine." He put the swords up and pulled out his two handguns. "These I rescued from a fate worse than death. Being improperly used by two idiots." Ruby nodded empathically at that statement as Jaune figured she would. "These two have a destiny I cannot wait to get to. That's why I call them Fate and Destiny... You people reading at home, or a coffee shop; or on your school computers when you should be writing that essay for Mrs. Teacher getting the obvious foreshadowing here? Okay? Good."

Ruby was so engrossed and confused by his meandering talking to the air she didn't realize her trouble until she stepped back hitting a cart full of cases. A Weiss came stomping around the mess looking quite irate.

"What are you doing?!"

"Uh, sorry!"

"Sorry?! Do you have any idea of the damage you could have caused?"

"Uuhhh..." Ruby looked confused, Jaune yawned.

"Give me that!" Weiss opened the box showing many vials of slightly glowing materials. "This is _Dust_ \- mined and purified from the Schnee quarry!"

"Uuuhhhh..." Ruby looked lost, Jaune tried to stick a finger in his ear to clean it out, settling for rubbing the side of his mask with his index finger.

"What are you, brain-dead?" Weiss screeched. She picked up a vial of fire dust and began shaking it about. " **Dust**! Fire, water, lightning, energy!"

"I... I know..." Ruby commented, coughing at the red haze filling the air. Jaune looked bored.

"Are you even listening to me? Is any of this sinking in? What do you have to say for yourself?!" The rest was cut off by a sneeze to end all sneezes. Jaune tried to hold her nose but all it did was cause a larger explosion when it went off. The bottle Weiss had been holding flies over the courtyard and at the feet of Blake, who picked it up and noticed the Schnee Dust Company logo on the side as she read from a book. After a moment she looked over at the scene.

"Unbelievable! This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about!" They all looked over to the figure clutching his wrist. "What exactly is YOUR problem?!"

"AH GOD!" He lifted his arm up looking at the gruesome sight of his stump. The girls screamed, Ruby looking like she was going to cry and Weiss like she was going to puke. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Where is my hand?!" A yellow glove landed on top of Weiss' head. "Oh! There it is." Weiss shrieked, flicking the still bleeding thing from her head and rushing off to the side to begin throwing up.

"I'm really, _really_ sorry!" Ruby cried out, pulling at a box on her pouch to produce some gauze. Jaune waved it off. Weiss was quickly back struggling to open a medical kit. "Please don't die! Please don't stop being my friend!"

"It's fine Ruby, it would take more than this to kill me." Ruby kept panicking about it, adding layer after layer.

"Ugh, you complete _dolt_! How can you be so calm! You are bleeding out all over the place! And YOU!" She turned her ire at Ruby. "What are you even _doing_ here? Aren't you a little young to be attending Beacon?"

"Well, I-I..." Ruby continued to wrap Jaune's stump, but now looked like a kicked puppy.

"This isn't your ordinary combat school. It's not just sparring and practice, you know! We're here to fight _monsters_ , so... watch where you're going!" Weiss began adding her own first aid to the wound.

"Hey, I said I was sorry, princess!" Ruby growled cutely. Jaune glared at the screen.

"It's heiress, actually." Blake made her appearance. Jaune whistled appreciatively. "Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, one of the largest producers of energy propellant in the world." Weiss preened. "The same company infamous for its controversial labor forces and questionable business partners."

"Not to mention she and her sister have been tied for the award for coldest bitch in Atlas five years running." Jaune remarked. Blake took notice of Jaune for the first time warily. "Hi, your dark and mysterious past is very attractive to me and gives you a cold cool edge I find very sexy. Unlike others just depressingly frigid demeanor. My name is Jaune, please ignore the hand next to your foot. It will regrow in just enough time to make an obvious joke later." Blake jumped at noticing it and his overly bandaged arm.

Weiss blinked. "Wha- How dare- The nerve of... Ugh!" Weiss took back her bottle before stalking off.

"Weiss, make sure you soak your va-jayjay in near boiling water for a hundred years, you might actually be able to dislodge that stick you have rammed in there!" Jaune called out. It surprised him the heiress didn't flick him off.

"I promise I'll make this up to you!" Ruby calls out before sighing. "I guess I'm not the only one having a rough first day... So, what's..." Ruby noticed Blake walking away.

"My safe word is UNICORN!" Jaune called out to the sashaying kitten walking away. He looked back to Ruby, finding her on the ground almost in tears. Holding out his stub he offered to her help up. "Hey don't worry. I have a whole tragic backstory that will explain how I'll be alright that I will not tell you until the time is right to add dramatic tension." Ruby used his help up before looking at him confused.

"You're really weird, Jaune."

"Oh you have NO idea." She really didn't.

(-o0o0o-)

AN: What the hell is this? What the hell is this at ALL? I have no idea. I think having four days off and too much serious coupled with watching DP2 has caused this... whatever this is. Honestly outside of Pain's Omake this is the only thing recently that has come out easily. Too much serious I think. So I went off the deep end. Hope this was interesting. We'll have to seem I guess. R&R but honestly this was such a spur of the moment think I don't know about it at all.


End file.
